I'm becoming very good at letting people in but also keeping them out. Contradiction, I know. But do you have a better way? I've got a curious soul that I can't seem to tame down and an inner world that I'm too selfish to share. A mind that can't seem to get rid of invisible dark clouds that I put there myself, yet continue to play dumb every time my therapist asks me questions. So I stopped going. All these missed appointments, un-answered text messages, and a varied collection of thunderstorm relaxation sounds in my itunes library, this is the real me. I refuse to change. I want rainbows yet I prefer the rain. I want the sun but the moon makes me feel safe. I want to tell you the truth though you only desire what’ll make you happy. I want to feel loved only to run towards the pain so I can be alone again. Without you again. Back to my thoughts again. Back home again.