I don't need my therapist to tell me that I actually do have anxiety and depression, because i've known that. i've felt and still feel that. but the validation of it coupled with my determination to live best life for self, has made it clear that some things have to change for this to work. the importance of being consistent with my self-care has magnified too, and not just the indulgent kind that i've always been good at. now I'm thinking more of tomorrow, and putting things in place so it'll be just a bit easier for myself. i have to take into account that i'm not always okay. some days i avoid and procrastinate and try to keep to myself. sometimes i'm far along in a project, but then catch myself getting overwhelmed and shifting onto something else entirely. i always come back, and i know that some days i need to flow between different mediums and projects to get context and perspective. but it isn't always that... sometimes the overwhelm feels so big that i'd rather not deal, and sometimes something happens that shakes the rug under my feet and pushes me into seeking comfort and quiet. as much as i support indulgence in our precious lives, there's a difference between expanding because growth is needed, and jumping into new things for the sake of avoiding the discomfort that comes in growing an idea, and seeing it through its many parts. seeing how much i've done that, and knowing that there are extra players is pushing me a bit. just knowing that i am predisposed depression, anxiety, and overthinking makes me want to support myself more. i have many creative visions to grow, and i really don't want my fear of the unknown to slow me down. especially when i don't know what i don't know. whatever happens, i want to go down fighting, because my depression and anxiety cannot get the best of me.